Don’t fear the receiver not ejaculating, allow them (and you) to experience sexual energy in new ways

Don’t fear the receiver not ejaculating, allow them (and you) to experience sexual energy in new ways

You are massaging the walls of the vagina, then her G-spot and then her cervix, slowly, consciously and with immense love

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If you are massaging a lingam, keep a special eye on the speed of their arousal,’ says Constance. If it’s getting too hot too soon, slow things right down. Don’t fear loss of an erection it doesn’t matter, you can easily grow it again. Don’t fear them ejaculating too soon they can actually continue to experience pleasure and energy post-ejaculation, so continue the massage, and if the lingam is too sensitive, move the massage back to the rest of the body.

Instead, become an expert in all the different ways to touch and give pleasure. A lingam massage is not a hand job! Learn about the different pleasure spots on the lingam and how they respond to different types of touch. There are five key areas to understand and pleasure: the glands, the frenulum (if it hasn’t been removed), the shaft, the balls and the perineum.’

What you need to understand when you give a lingam massage is how much fear this lingam has experienced; how much pressure it has been under to perform,’ says Constance. When you are able to gift this complete love and acceptance to a lingam, you step into a whole new level of power.’

How to perform a yoni massage

As with the healing power of the lingam massage, the same is true of a yoni massage in fact, even more so.

If you’re massaging a yoni, it’s crucial to understand the level of shame, fear, disconnect, trauma and sadness experienced in this perfect jewel,’ says Constance. You are in a position to add to the trauma or heal it. Giving a yoni massage is one of the most healing gifts a lover can give. And because it has the potential to be so amazing, it also has the potential to do great harm. Because of this, you absolutely must honour and respect the yoni at all times. You move at your partner’s pace and go where they want you to go. To learn where that is, you become an expert on this yoni, you watch your partner change as arousal levels change, you keep an eye on the rest of the body and you listen to words of encouragement and guidance coming from your partner, who must feel no pressure from you to perform in any way.

The yoni massage is an opportunity to give the outside of the yoni a lot of time and attention. Using lots of oil, stroke, tease and pleasure the vulva: the outer and inner lips, the fourchette, the perineum, the opening of the vagina, the clitoral bud and clitoral roots.

Only after a good 15 minutes of pleasuring the vulva can you place a finger at the opening of the vagina and see if you are welcomed inside. It’s always good practice to ask permission. If the answer is no, spend more time on the vulva and extend the strokes around the entire body, moving the sensation and pleasure to every inch of the body.

If your partner would like you to enter with your fingers, do so very slowly. Move in one centimetre at a time and in circular movements, as if you are going around the points on the clock, and apply gentle pressure to the walls of the vagina. You are not fingering her the idea is not to repeatedly thrust your finger in and out of the vagina. ‘

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